"It is getting tight in here. I used to be able to somersault, but for the last few weeks I've been curled up tight, knees up to my chin with my head down, wedged in a circle of bone. I can hear muffled sounds. Sofe light filters through mum's belly."

"I have been feeling gentle tightenings around me for some time, and now they are increasing. I am being squeezed gently downwards, towards an expanding circle-this must be the way out. The space closes up behind me. I can't move. MY oxygen supply cord is stretching and the supply is getting weaker. Suddently there is a pop and the lovely watery world I have been wallowing in starts to flow away. MY head slips down further and rhythmic contractions intensify."

"The circle is widening. Every muscle pushes forcefully downwards. It stops for a few moments then starts again. My head is squeezed through the opening and down a narrow passage. There is a sudden rush, and a release of pressure: and now my head is out. A moment later my whole body is out in the wide world. Hands lift me up and I am dazzled by bright lights and sharp noises. A cold wind rushes over me. I open my mouth and the air fills my lungs. A scream comes out of me. I have arrived."

How was that? That may likely be the description on how a baby may feel about birth, I guess. Might ask Danish how was his experience when he starts to speak soon! Coz I couldn't recall mine! Haha... By the way this entry is for the reading pleasure of Kuc and GG who are expecting their child come June. Suprised to see your pic here guys? haha... Well, moga semuanya selamat, Insya Allah.

To be, or not to be ...in the delivery room, is the question for today's fathers. In the old days (i.e. the 1960s), there was no such delivery room issue for men, whose sole purpose in the birthing process was to smoke and pace nervously in the hospital waiting room. But all that began to change during a strange and frightening time (i.e. the 1970s) when Paul Anka released the song "You're Having My Baby." Since that seminal moment, men have appeared with increasing frequency in delivery rooms. And today, while fathers are not officially mandated to be in delivery rooms, they generally are expected by wives and mothers-in-law to "choose" to witness their children's births. Scary eh?!

As more and more men make this choice, the father's role in the delivery room is a matter that requires clarification. During the past 6 months, I have chosen to be in the delivery when my wife gave birth to our beloved son, Danish Haiqal. Beyond staying out of everyone else's way, I discerned nothing in particular that a man in a delivery room is expected to do. I did, however, discover several things that he absolutely should not do. Hopefully, my experiences can provide some guidance to other fathers who choose to enter the delivery room.

Delivery Room DON'Ts

You may have heard that a man can help in the delivery room by holding a hand or massaging a foot or whispering words of encouragement into an ear. This may very well be true, but DO NOT DO THESE THINGS TO THE DOCTOR. Based on my experience, the doctor will initially respond to such efforts with a wide-eyed look of surprise, immediately followed by a more ambiguous look of either gratitude or disgust, followed by the command, "Sir! Could you please shut the **ck up, move away and sit in the chair! I'm trying to save your baby here for god sake!!!"

As you sit in the chair, absolutely do not eat beef jerky and garlic flavored chips. Apparently, a woman's senses of smell and hearing are heightened while giving birth. Consequently, both the odors and noises coming from your mouth can be somewhat off-putting to her. (On a side note, my wife has assured me that the jerky-and-chip-eating man should not take it personally when the woman points a finger at him and yells, "Get that crap out of here!")

If you are still in the delivery room at this point, you will see the doctor check how far dilated the woman's cervix is. Men, this is not the time to tell a joke. Specifically, as the doctor prepares to check, do not tell your wife, "Say 'aaahhh.'" It's true that in many contexts this is an amusing comment, but, alas,... this is not one of them! In fact, the use of this comment in this situation will subject you to the withering glares of your wife, her mother and hospital personnel. You will then be consumed by an overwhelming shame for even having thought such a horrid thing.

At this point, you may try to avoid confronting your shame by watching the television in the labor and delivery room. But this is critical: Once the woman is in active labor, do not turn on the TV. Even after her labor is over (i.e. the baby is actually born), you should suppress your urge to see what's on TV. And if the doctor is holding your newborn and asks you to cut the umbilical cord, it is particularly unacceptable to tell him to hold on a minute while you check to see if the Champions League quarter-finals clashes between Chelsea and Bayern Munich is being shown again on ESPN!

Finally, do not attempt to be the World's Funniest Man by making what you think are amusing comments about medical matters involving the baby. For instance, if your baby boy is yellow and has to be taken to lie under those anti-yellowing lights in the nursery, do not say to your wife, "Maybe we should call him Elton Jaundice." (In the case of a baby girl, do not suggest naming her Olivia Newton Jaundice.)

Of course, you won't have to worry about all the things not to do in the delivery room if you decide to stay in the waiting room until the baby is born. Ultimately, to be or not to be in the delivery room is a decision that each father must make for himself. And the only way to make it is to determine whether it is nobler in the mind-numbing waiting room to suffer the slings and arrows of an outraged wife and mother-in-law, or to take arms against a sea of delivery room troubles, and by entering probably offend them anyway!

The very best of luck!

Posted by Wan Mohd Fahimi @ 1:18 PM